Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas

At the very first snowfall, the very talented Kristin Pauls took our pictures for our annual Christmas card.

We wanted to send a Christmas greeting to you with the pictures.

The older I get the more I want for the seasons to be meaningful and full: times of growing and celebrating, faith building. In a phrase, I long for continual salvation. You know the kind of saved that keeps happening as you search and surrender your life to God. Where one area achieves victory in your life while another still lags behind. Kind of like being able to say no to carbonated beverages but not being able to let go of the chips!

Pre-Advent marked one of those salvations for me, on a faith level. It ushered in such a level of peace that it made me want it in all areas of my life. As we anticipate the celebration of the birth of Christ, I wondered what I would see peering into the manger. I can't help but think of all the time that goes into this story. There is a lot of waiting. A lot of journeying. Nothing happened instantly. The Saviour's birth was celebrated even though they didn't know exactly what that would look like for them as individuals or as a nation. God knew our long history of rebellion, but loved us so that He finished His plan, sent His Son to save us. His Son obeyed and fulfilled His mission.

I am thankful for this salvation, both daily and eternally. I look at the baby and see the story of salvation takes times. It takes obedience. It takes a willingness to receive. This passage from Isaiah has been a beautiful part of my Christmas ponderings:

Isaiah 30:18
Therefore the LORD is waiting to show you mercy, and is rising up to show you compassion, for the LORD is a just God. All who wait patiently for Him are happy.

We pray that you would know this mercy in a new way during this season.

From our family to yours, we want to wish you a very Merry Christmas.


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Going Home - Part 2

One of my requests, during my time at home,  was to visit our childhood house on the lake road.  It was the sisters and daughters who toured our home, now vacant.  Stepping out of the van and into the yard was like stepping into a story book of whose story you are very familiar.

The yard was quiet and the changes, well there were always changes growing up.  Mom was too creative to let things lie the same way for long.  These changes were par for the course.  We walked by the old pump but couldn't linger on because we feared the goose who had chosen to nest close by was going to come and chase us away.

We weren't ready to leave yet.

The hedge, ten times it's size, the one that used to hide the grape vines and fruit trees.  That, and in its even younger years, provided a buffer from the tall corn fields and all the hidden forts and treasures contained within.  The hedge changed just as we had.

We stepped inside the house. The smells and sights reminded of the love and nurture experienced there.   We inspected everything from floor to ceiling, opening doors and drawers, and looking out windows.

It is funny how far back into the story ones mind tries to go.
The closets seemed so much bigger back then.  Likewise, our make shift playhouse under the stairs used to be hours of fun to us and now we wonder if we could store a couple of sacks of flour and a mixing machine in that space!

As we wandered through the rooms I wondered out loud how I ended up with the big room.   The response was simple, she wanted the smaller one.  She reminded me how often we moved furniture in our rooms, redecorated just like our mom did in the rest of the house!  We described our favorite wall papers and antique light fixtures.

The mirror at the end of the hall was still fastened with clear claws reminding of the many times we stood in front of it while mom hemmed matching dresses when we were young and personal fashion requests as we grew older.   We were privy to an in house fashion designer.  She would even supply our barbies with gowns and accessories.

We walked to the barn filled with equipment. They weren't our growing up tractors.  They are newer and so much bigger.  But we still sat in the wheels and took a picture just like we did so many years earlier.






When we finished lingering and reminiscing we piled in the van and  my sister,  asked, "do you want to see anything else?"

That started; the growing up tour!  Out came stories and laughter.

The impromptu memory tour solicited memories old for me but new for my kids.  And the surprise treasure of hearing it from my sisters perspective.  We told of beach walks at the cove.  Only now it is privatized and I had to stand with arms and camera high enough to capture what I couldn't on my own see.




We used to meet friends there, minutes from our houses, to swim and explore the shipwrecked barge and have bonfires.

On family beach walks we collected interesting rocks, coloured and fossilized and more than once claimed unique pieces of driftwood. Dad dutifully carried it home to be decor for mom's ever growing flower beds.

We stopped to show the kids Hammond marsh only a couple hundred meters from our home.  We went there often. It is almost dried up in places now.  Then it was a groomed marshland with hiking trails to the lake and water channels to canoe down in summer and skate on in winter.  It was there I grew to love pussy willows, lily pads, water bugs and cat tails.




We spoke in disbelief of the hikes we used to take with leopard frogs jumping around our bare flip flopped feet, and whopper snakes swimming in the channels.  It was our joy at that time and where we are surely grew the snake and frog phobias we hang on to today!  We are positive that we as moms now would not have been so brave to have done the hike without hip waders...maybe chin waders.

I recalled the time when dad cleared areas of ice at the marsh pond so we could skate.  I fell so often but didn't want to stop so dad went home and got sponge and padded down the backside of my red, one-piece snow suit.

The school house on the pool farm.  The farm we spent hours and hours hoeing at.  Hacking impossible ragweed, wearing #2, maybe #4 sun lotion or was it bronzing oil?



We joked that the farm was our summer day camp for weeks.  The tomato and pepper plants were captive audience to songs sung at the top of our lungs.  We screamed the chorus "fire, fire, fire" completely oblivious to the fact that the neighbors were near...country near.  We made shrieking cricket sounds, ate sandwiches and biked home, sometimes making an unannounced stop at the beach for a quick swim before coming home.  All this on the farm where we learned to drive tractor and truck.  My sister remembers learning to drive a brown GMC standard pick up truck, with the sliding window and 5th wheel hitch, with dad running outside the truck yelling when to shift.
I remembered dad lining me up, sitting on the oversized yellow John Deere tractor seat, hands gripping wide on the black steering wheel over all the gauges I didn't understand.  My feet were light years away from the clutch or brake pedals and Dad's instructions were, "steer straight till the end of the row, then I'll come." He always did, just in time to turn us into the next tomato row where I got to keep the wheels between the rows of tomatoes all over again.

Days earlier, it nearly ripped my heart out to bike around the huge country blocks with my kids not knowing that these roads had stories.  They biked without knowing names of people who lived in houses.  They didn't know that the house with the unfinished siding housed a dog that ran out and barked and chased me, causing my nerves to come undone and my balance to be shaky.  The names of neighbours held no significance to them.




They didn't know that the plain old cement pad used to be the place we picked up fertilizer.  That the woods at the end of our property was the place we explored, that dad made trails in, that we admired trillium and jack in the pulpits.

They didn't know the stories of newly oiled gravel roads and new spring coats wearing a strip of that same oil up the back as a long reminder of the bike ride to see a friend.  Or the joy of ripping through the sandy lane through the field on a skinny wheeled ten speed to meet a friend.  Or the anticipation of biking 6 miles to school on hilly roads, my friend with no brakes and no fear!

What fun it was to share, to tell our story and for them to want to hear it.

The tour, the trip, the hanging out, all ended all too quickly. It truly awakened a dormant seed.

As much as I don't believe in magic, I do believe in gifts of grace that only can come from a loving God.  My family, my growing up years, are such a gift.  Remembering them awakens the gift with such gratitude.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Going Home Part 1

I was 18 years old when I left home.  It was a school thing.  I don't remember being scared.  Excitement overrode fear for this new adventure in life.  However, leaving my family left my emotions raw and I bawled for days beforehand at almost any quasi-related trigger and for half the plane ride to Winnipeg.  I didn't leave to marry but it happened anyways.  I fell in love with someone who was not an Ontarian.  We have lived mostly in Manitoba ever since.

Truth is, I still have strong ties to my home town.  I love family and friends who still live there.  I feel like I'm in paradise with my feet buried in the sand of my "growing up" beach at Long Point; (every beach I visit is always ranked according to Long Point...just ask anyone in my family!)  when surrounded at all turns by lush vegetation and tall, broad trees that turn many brilliant colours in Autumn.

Although we as family work to see each other, it has been FOUR years since I've last visited home.  Apart from me, the rest of my family lived there, in Port Rowan even four years ago. Now, as if blown by spring winds, we are spread apart like dandelion seeds.  We meet different places now.

As our seeds root deeper into our new-for-some soil, it is proving harder and harder to get home.

Money, time, commitments, the work of finding the right time, all grow alongside and somehow, when permitted, lengthen the distance.  As we struggled to decide which option might work for our family this summer, the thoughts that clarified the decision were persuasive.
My oldest niece was going off to college!
And...I hadn't been home for four years!

There, hidden far from sight, was family:  worth the money, time and commitment.

I had a lot of people ask me what I wanted to do on our trip.   My family is good for hanging out, almost to a fault.  And that's what I wanted to do.  To visit the hours away, look through old photos, to see the cousins together, to walk along the beach, to taste the sweetness of fresh cucumbers in vinegar dressing, to walk the streets and see our school yard and to remember the feeling of air that hugs your skin so tight.  To be so familiar with a place that stories leak out of every step and glance.  To be re-immersed in niece and nephew world, what ice cream they like, what music they play and listen to, school stories and hobbies and hair braiding.  To bring along a book that I knew wouldn't likely make it out of the suitcase - it was no competition to the stories being played out in real.  I also wanted to see our house from growing up.








This was the unspoken long answer for when I said I was excited to hang out with family.

Friday, July 6, 2012

@ 188

As I write this post, I am a mixture of excited and nervous. Tonight at 188 Princess, we are inviting families from our Eastview Church community to join with the families surrounding 188 Princess- a new branch from our church community (a church campus, if you will). Invitations have been made, prayers are being prayed as we take a small step in being a together community, to not be an us-them but a people brought together by God.

We invite you to join us if you are around. We are watching a movie @ 6:30pm, "Toy Story 3". We are making popcorn, have juice boxes and good coffee/tea for the parents and adults. If you are not around, we invite your prayers.

The book of James has been on my mind a lot lately.  As I prepare for tonight phrases that come to mind are: but if you show favoritism...but you have neglected the poor...speak and act as someone who is going to be judged by the law that gives freedom...mercy triumphs over judgement...do you think scripture says without reason that He jealously longs for the Sprirt He caused to dwell in you. But He gives more grace...humble yourselves before the Lord...you have hoarded your wealth...what good is it brothers and sisters if you have faith but no deeds? Can such a faith save you?

We come with open hands, not knowing what the foot traffic will be like nor how our hearts will be moved and changed. We do know that our desire is that God is evidenced in the popcorn and the juice and the coffee and the smiles.

Will you join us in person or in prayer?

Sunday, June 17, 2012

My Father's Continuing Legacy

A couple of days ago I had a most wonderful memory of my dad.

Quite recently I had been wondering about a friend I made in University.  We spent time and classes together.  She even ended up meeting my parents when they travelled from southern Ontario to come to my piano recital.  Like many people she really liked my dad.  Anyways, I wondered what she was up to and where she was at.  We hadn't kept in touch after my firstborn.

The other day at work I was walking an errand and upon passing someone thought, "hey, that really looks like my friend from university I was just wondering about.  Could it be her?"  I realized I didn't even know what she ended up doing.  She was still studying when life took us different directions. I wasn't quick enough to ask anything that day.

A couple of days later, I felt it would burn a hole through me and when we passed again was bold enough to ask, " you look so familiar, can I ask your name?".  When she told me her name, I realized it was her and proceeded to make the connection for her.  She didn't recognize me at first.  As we got talking the memories returned.  Soon conversation turned to family and she asked about my dad.  When I told her he had passed away suddenly in 2000 she was very sorry and said, " I really liked your dad and think of him often. He gave me a card.  I still read it."

I was completely blown away.

Blown away that she had kept the card, that she still read it, that a seed that had been planted years ago was still being kept alive by the grace of God.

My dad was an evangelist at heart.  He loved God.  he loved people.  He wanted everyone to love God.  So each moment he had with someone he believed was a moment given to him by God to love others to Him.  He did it by word and action.  The card she is talking about is one with his name and contact on one side and scripture verses on the other.  Verses that would point to faith in loving God.

I am so thankful for a Father who sought God.  If he wasn't out in the field or in the barn there was a good chance I could find him leaned over at his desk in his basement office huddled over scripture, studying and searching for wisdom and insight.  He spoke of his faith daily, in a way that invited me into a lifestyle faith.  One that showed God was alive and active in each moment.

On Fathers day I thankfully remember a dad who left a legacy of love and faith.  And I'm thankful for my heavenly Father who revealed another layer of it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Inspiration On An April Day

I was recently in a group building workshop environment. It was set up like speed dating, something I've only ever seen on TV. We had a minute to ask each other questions and were given a question sheet as a guideline if needed. It was a fun and thought provoking experience. The questions on the sheet ranged from interests and favorite trips to what would you do if you knew the world was ending in 2012. I was asked the second question and ones like it, (if there was one thing you could do before you died), enough times to solidify a few answers in my mind.

If I knew the world would end in 2012? I would want to live as fully as possible, my moments would be important, EVERYTHING would be important. Family, flavours, friends, time spent, colours, neighbors, the words I speak, what I do, what I study, reactions...I wouldn't want to waste a minute. I would want it all to count, I would want to experience God's salvation in each moment.

I read in the Psalms how David prays and am inspired by his God consciousness. I read about how he is in the heat of a moment, like fleeing for his very life, and God is his focus. How God acts and is, is central to how David acts and is. I want to live like that! Fully aware of God. Fully aware of the opportunity in each moment.

I have been inspired since the workshop to live with this kind of intention. Being thankful and counting gifts is one way to foster this. My renewed discipline of searching for gifts to be grateful .... at the end of the day my gratitude list looked something like this:

...Highlight of my lunch break was waiting in the van with the kids and choosing to indulge in their interest in story telling instead of my own impatience.

...Cucumbers in a ham and cheese sandwich.

...Eating my daughter's amazing monster cookies. The mixture of peanut butter and smarties...

...Tech support for using a new program.

...Laughing hard at the supper table together.

...Hearing my kids sing together in the car on the way to an evening movie. The care free "doo-dooing". The purity of their voices.

...The flavor of buttered popcorn.

...Sitting beside my son in a movie and watching his imagination take him into the story.

...Understanding a bit more of what memorized scripture on the tongue, our words, really means...what seemed so harsh, it's TRUTH!

...Unsolicited help for folding laundry.

How about you? What would your gratitude list look like?


Saturday, April 7, 2012

Lent, Wilberforce And A Funeral

Over the Lenten season our family has been reading from Walter Wangerin Jr.'s, "Reliving the Passion". The reflections are honest, imaginative renderings taken from the passion narrative in Mark. They invite you to be a character in the story leaving little room to choose the easy role of the indifferent bystander. One of my favorite reflections is taken from the following passage:

Mark 15:44-45,
And Pilate wondered if he were already dead; and summoning the centurion, he asked him whether he was already dead.
And when he learned from the centurion that he was already dead, he granted the body to Joseph.

Wangerin's writing beautifully explores the salvation formation that is occurring in Joseph, a man of the same religious council that earlier convicted and crucified Jesus. It explores the understanding of a kingdom which reverses the definition of power and rank as Joseph willingly surrenders his own acquired success for body of Jesus. He would rather have Jesus than anything else. He would rather have the crucified Jesus than keep his rank and power.

After reading it with the family, I look up and there's my 8 year old leaned back gripping the arm rests of his chair, eyes all wide and saying, "Wow Mom, that's intense!"

He's right! Its very intense. It's life threatening and life all at the same time. FAITH.


Last night, on Good Friday we watched "Amazing Grace" the story of William Wilberforce and the journey to the abolition of slavery.
When Wilberforce confessed faith in God in early adulthood he was already considered a promising politician. He believed the reconciliation of faith and politics were impossible. People in his life spoke into this disparity, passionately pushing him to embrace both! The biography of Wilberforce by Eric Metexas speaks into this mental wrestling match. "He saw, so to speak, the full horror of himself. God, in his mercy, had allowed Wilberforce to see himself as he truly was, and it was crushing. But Wilberforce knew God didn't mean it to end there." (67). "Surely the principles as well as the practice of Christianity are simple and lead not to meditation only, but to action." (68).

Wilberforce did decide to embrace both politics and faith in God. It was a long, hard journey where he experienced failure, disappointment and sickness. He reflects on learning to call out to a Saviour rather than try to be his own saviour. He learned much through his life of following God, "so true is it that a gracious hand leads us in ways that we know not, and blesses us not only without, but even against, our plans and inclinations" (45).

Metexas explains the following incident in the biography. It speaks of Wilberforce living wide eyed and attentive to God through everyday moments:

On witnessing a child vaccination, the infant gave up its little arm to the operator without suspicion or fear. But when it felt the puncture, which must have been sharp, no words can express the astonishment that followed. I could not have thought the mouth could have been distended so widely as it continued, till the nurses soothing restored her usual calmness. What an illustration is this of the impatient feelings we are often apt to experience, and sometimes even to express, when suffering from the dispensations of a Being, whose kindness we know to be unfailing, whose truth also is sure, and who has declared to us, that all things shall work together for good to those that love Him, and that the object of His inflictions is to make us partakers of His holiness. (270). HOPE.



At the beginning of this week we attended a funeral. It was so evident at the funeral that the man's family loved him dearly. The tributes were beautiful and laced with sentiment, and the weeping emotional. You couldn't help but feel and experience depth of sorrow. With this happening on the brink of Holy Week, my imagination went to the band of followers who became Jesus' family. The sorrow they must have felt on a day like today, on the Holy Saturday. I'm not just thinking about their confusion and fear of misplaced expectations in the wake of the death of Jesus but also of the deep sorrow of losing someone who loved them and they dearly loved in return. LOVE.

On this Holy Saturday, the day before the resurrection, the not yet, I can't help but wonder at the importance of despair, sorrow, and long suffering. Of living with eyes wide open, hoping and trusting that in our blindness, in our impatience, in our loss, that we trust enough to believe the yearning in our hearts that our loving God is completing the story He started writing many, many years ago.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 MSG)